I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
