i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
should my penis look like a turkey
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
