There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
