marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
