i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
