ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
