I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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