my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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