I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
