I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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