My friends, they love my intelligence
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
