I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
