I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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