i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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