I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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