so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
