Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
