They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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