I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
