I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
