You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
