May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
