I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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