I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
