Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
