Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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