I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
