There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
