Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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