Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
They have beer where we have blood.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
