I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
