Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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