the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
