I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
