dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Bring me that man meat
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
