It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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