im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
