Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
