btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
