somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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