The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
