I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
