Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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