I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize