Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
