You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
