you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
