I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
