She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
