He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
