Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
