I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
