thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
handjob tips. give me some.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
