you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
