If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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