You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
