I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
