awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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