so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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