Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You can't special order awesome
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
