The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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