If that was your dad, he is hot
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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