if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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