gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
