the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
