this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
