She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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