3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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