I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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