you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
