Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
