He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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