I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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